The Last Aussie Guitar Hero In a tiny inner-city pub, the amps were being stacked, Leads were getting wound up, it was full of pissed Anzac's. "Got no more gigs for Tuesday Nights" said the bar-man to the star, "We're putting pokies in the lounge and strippers in the bar." The star, he raised his fingers and said "Fuck this fucking hole" But to his faithful roadie he said "It's the death of rock n roll There ain't a single place that's left to play amplified guitar, Every place is serving long blacks or becoming a tappas(?) bar." His dirty denim jacket was gaffered and turning black, Hair was missing on his forehead, but it reached right down his back. "I don't blame that barman bastard" he told his roadie, "Hey, fuck no. I blame all those faggot wankers, who are playing this techno. Brothers can work it out get fucked, they can kiss my rotten arse Work out what happened to real music, is what I'd like to ask. Everything is all machine run with MIDI and A-DAT But all they do is go PING PING PING like a truck that's backing back. Who the fuck are the Chemical Brothers, that they now call the shots? Goldie's the name of a light beer, Elastica holds up socks." The roadie sat there silent next to the ejaculating star What's the fucking point of drumming base, if no-one can play guitar. Aussie Aussie Guitar Hero Aussie Aussie Guitar Hero "Have you seen those fucking clubbers, with their peroxided dreds? Dressed up in fucking Addidas, like fucking fucked fuck-heads. I wouldn't drop a tab of 'E' if you fucking paid me man, I've got the guts for LSD and the only jungle I know is Nam." His roadie sat still silent, but then he finally began to speak, "Actually, star, I maybe should have told you this last week, But I scored a job as DJ at the latest techno club, I'm sick of working with a loser, see ya later bub!" Well the roadie owned the PA and the roadie owned the ute, And the roadie told the star to get out or he'll bash one up his chute. And there on that cold freeway, star walked along alone, Of course he'd been kicked out half-way between emergency telephones. Aussie Aussie Guitar Hero Aussie Aussie Guitar Hero [What a man, what a man, what a man..] "Fuck ya's all" said star aloud in the emergency stopping lane. To quote from magic Juliet: Hey what's in a name. A good song's just a good song, just the same as long ago, But dress it up as something new and suddenly you're Picaso. Every white bald pommy cunt thinks that you're so hip Read N.M.E from ten years ago and it's all the same dick-slip. Prodigy had just the fan who are gettin' it this year. Rolling Stone's got no more cred then fucking New Idea." Star's anguished voice rose in grief as he cried unto the moon. "In the end when all is said and done, a tune's just a fucking tune." Star played his amp far too loud, his hearing was sort-a gone, So he never heard the grinding squeal as the truckie put the brakes on. Twenty six roadtrain wheels played a tune upon his head. "He just wandered into the traffic" the distraught driver said. The cops had seen it all before, the ambo's washed the freeway clean, There ain't no contest when you put a man against a machine. Aussie Aussie Guitar Hero Aussie Aussie Guitar Hero [What a man, what a man, what a man..] [It's a man against machine..]